Larry here, or for those of you in the know you would probably want to rename me Lazarus. Dear reader if all of this is already too confusing for you then perhaps you should have paid attention to Mark’s blog on day 7. If you didn’t then please reattach yer bifocals and try again. It’s further down on the blog list you mug…
Anyway, I am ghost writing tonight’s blog to give the crew a rest. Since those young blades jettisoned me over the side you might have thought that I was a goner. But no, I am living proof that you can fight back, even from the most dire of circumstances. So having been washed out to sea it wasn’t looking good and it didn’t help that those bastards failed to pack a lifejacket for me. Nonetheless, I have managed to text this report back on my pint sized satellite phone. I am currently in command of my new vessel, the HMS flotsam and jetsam, aka a dismembered bit of sofa foam wot some drunken sailer hoyed overboard (God bless em).
So what’s been happening? Well here in Mordor the temperatures are unseasonably cold. However, the flipside seems to have been positively biblical waves, so all in all it’s a bit of a crap gig. I have been feeling seasick for about 2 weeks now and I’m so damn dehydrated I’m starting to look like a raisin. Or perhaps like one of those sunbathing pensioners you see in the ‘saf of France innit?!
So mine is a tough gig, unlike those charlatans in Row2Recovery. They have been having it pretty easy with minor events like the storage hatches flooding, a broken oar and a pending criminal investigation following the night when one of them pushed me into the sea. IT WAS SCOTT BLANEY WOT DUNNIT…. but he will deny everything the little weasel!
Other events for the crew have been a 2 day odyssey to fix the auto-helm which has been playing up like a good ‘un. The auto-helm has been making a strange buzzing noise (my favourite) and then repeatedly cutting out (serves them right for deserting me). Anyway, just when I thought the sword of Damocles had got ‘em they only went and sorted it out. Despite being in second place they are all rather frustrated as without the technical mishaps they would have made even more progress. Based on what I have seen so far I predict they will win.
As many of you will know, nice guys finish last, so whilst I will float in far behind that does give the ladies more time to prepare to celebrate my arrival. But speaking of the downtrodden or down on their luck, lets spare a thought for the cause that these young urchins are doing this all for – to raise money for wounded soldiers and their families. While I hate the crew of Row2Recovery, their cause demands respect SO get yer hands in your pockets and donate now at www.row2recovery.com
Kiss on the lips,